Have you ever felt so angry that you feel like there's something stuck in your throat and you get dizzy, and feel like vomitting. OK, I don't have high blood pressure, nauzubillah. But, sometimes when I really get angry or upset, my throat hurts so bad especially when I have to control my anger. Had a fight with on da run bro, felt like puching his face and kicking his a**. When I was a lot younger, I would have probably done that. I remember reading something from my notes (maybe it's in the hadith), when you are angry and you managed to control your anger it is indeed the real "victory". I'll ask lukluk about this later, and post it on my next entry insha Allah. You know, sometimes I feel that being an adult is not fun. You have to be responsible for every action and decision, you have to excel in your studies, and then you have to be able to find a job and then jaga your family. I'm not saying that I don't want to shoulder the responsibilty to take care of my parents and my younger siblings. But, don't you realise that the society is actually putting so much burden on our shoulders. So many expectations to be fulfilled. When you graduated people expect you to go and find a job and get married. If you are 29 and unmarried (ladies lah), people will start labelling you this and that e.g. andalusia and accuse you as pembawa bala/sewey or the source of problems etc. The problems do not occur because of the single ladies, but because of these narrow-minded people. They determine what's right and what's wrong, according to their own perspectives and standards, they are actually being bias towards other people who obviously do not achieve what they term as the right thing to do. Is it wrong to stay single the rest of your life. Hey, I'm not trying to discourage marriage life or whatever. Kahwin tu sunnah Rasulullah. But, look around you, how many marriage survive after 5 or 10 years. And how many women suffer because of their abusive alcoholic husband, kaki judi, kaki perempuan (takkan ada perumpamaan ni kalau ia tak berlaku), tak beri nafkah etc.etc. Women are no angels, we too commit mistakes in life. And rite now, I'm not interested to debate who causes more problems in a marriage. Tapi society kita terlalu berat sebelah, if the unmarried 29 year old is a man, would anybody label them as tak laku or gay?...jarang sekali lah. And if a lady stayed single the rest of her life bcos of her failure in her first love, she would be labelled as bodoh, takde otak. But if a man commits suicide because his lover ran away with a new boyfirend, he is considered as loyal!! Erm, the world is indeed berat sebelah...if one day I decided not to get married (not bcos tak laku, but worried that I might not find a man who can guide my family to prosper in this life and the world after) would they label me as anak dara tua? I view marriage as something sacred, to permit what is haram before marriage and for the purpose of reproduction, to share the responsibilities and to spread the love. But, if you marry the wrong person, what will happen to your children. They need parents who can guide them to heaven not those who left them behind to suffer the earthly hell. You get babies to make them better people for the next generations, not to spoil them. But then again, what do I know about marriage...I'm just a person who have seen so many broken marriages but lack of experience...I prefer peter pan's neverland to marriage hehehehe

-erm, the madam lah nih, triggered me to write on marriage hehehehe-

Ok, no more about marriage, biased society etc. It's not fun to talk about those issues. This morning, I helped my father to trim the grass. Banyak kemuncup melekat kat baju when you hang the clothes outside. I've trimmed the backyard up to the kitchen area (imagine it which ever way you like), and ran out of gas/petrol. So I called my dad to ask which brand should I use, the Helix or the Mach5. Then, I filled up the tank and tried to start the engine, failed. I pulled the damned string for at least 10 times and then gave up. While "cooling" myself down, I saw my father's car stopping in front of the gate. The first question he asked, "what oil did you use just now" and I replied "yang Baba suruh tu lah". And then he went up and do some works on the computer. I told my father that the mower couldn't start and he came down and checked the tank...lepas tu apa lagi kena marah lah..."MINYAK HITAM!! I asked you to put petrol not minyak hitam. Nurul, nurul, you don't know how to differentiate minyak hitam and petrol ke". Well, I really don't know how to differentiate between these two by looking at the "physical features", lagipun masa kat driving school dulu takde plak diorang ajar. I suppose minyak hitam is darker than petrol, tapi you can see meh inside the bottle? Some more arr, there's no label on the bottle maa, how should I know. Aiyak...pagi2 lagi dah kena marah hehehe.

Hey, I received a letter from a boy from Montfort Boys Town (I really didn't know it's an elite boys school until somebody told me this afternoon). His name is Aaron. In the letter he mentioned about his studies, the 6 meals (he spelled mails) at his hostel, the outdoor activities which he simplified as play-play etc. He also asked about my school and studies inTERENGGANU, yes, terengganu! I don't even know who is this boy and where did he get the idea of me studying in Terengganu. He gave me his picture, one i/c size and another pasport size. If I remembered correctly, I went tthere only 3 times, the first was with my school to Rantau Abang, the second trip was my mom's biznes trip to Kenyir, and last year's national tkd tournament in Kuala Terengganu. I don't remember meeting anybody by the name of Aaron there. Showed my mom the letter but not the picture, takut dia marah nanti hehehe. She said just ignore it, and threw the letter into a bin. But I have better ideas heheehe (keluar tanduk setan hehee), I kept the picture with me, ok he' a bit hensem lah but not reallly ah. I think I'l reply his letter, alah, just to inform him that he got the wrong person. Tak main lah budak2 sekolah nih ehehehe.

-am currently reading Totto-chan in Malay translation and Photojournalism Content and Techniques by Greg Lewis and will write s/thing on Totto-chan in the next entry-