Last nite I had a horrible nightmare, people say it's no good lah to tell about your bad dreams to others, because it will come true. But, I'm not a superstitious person, I don't believe in such thing, I don't believe that number 13 brings bad luck, I don't believe that black cat is sewey. I believe that things will happen if Allah wills and it has nothing to do with the good or bad luck. We "determine" our own luck to a certain extent, if you are a "dirty" person of course lah, you get all the bad things in your life. God will reward you for your good deeds and punish you for the bad deeds done, if not in this world, the next world awaits you ^_^

I dreamed of losing the person I love most, and I wasn't there to witness the last moments, and everybody looked as if they tried very hard to hide it from me. It was so REAL that I woke up crying in the middle of the night, remembering all the bad things I've done to this person; hurting her feelings, making faces, saying "NO" to things that I should have done, all the troubles that I've caused her etc, I felt so guilty and helpless. When you woke up in the middle of the night trying to convince yourself that this nightmare is not real, just another bad dream, holding back your tears, trying not to wake others with your sobs, unconsciously you would have this soothing feeling knowing that there's someone watching over you, hearing your cries, this makes you realise that you are indeed close to HIM and allows you to simply be yourself, you need not to pretend that your life is OK, you're doing fine everyday dealing with your daily routines, you don't have to hide your true feelings, you don't have to put on the masque to conceal your true self, your weakness and your sadness. I feel revived after allowing myself to burst into tears and spending the night talking to HIM. I've been missing this for some time, I used to speak to HIM every night before I sleep during my hellish hostel years, but I couldn't even remember when did I stop talking to HIM, I don't even know why did I stop doing this. Maybe I was too busy with my life, my tkd, my family and friends that I tend to forget OUR special relationship. "Spirituality" (this "spirituality" concept often mislead people, I prefer not to use it, but I couldn't find a better word to replace it) doesn't come only from the five daily prayers, fasting etc. especially if we do it simply to fulfill our responsibilities, it is beyond that. Few years ago, I might have "seen" the spark of its light, but I didn't proceed to find out the real source. Now, I'm in a journey to re-discover the track that I've neglected in the past, and one day I would find my way to the source and reaching out my hands to the truth and running towards HIS wide opened arms...

-had some difficulties in explaining about my swollen eyes the next morning hehehe-